Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize