just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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