Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
