I wanna bring you to show and tell
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
