Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
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