He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize