i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
