Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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