Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize