I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
