Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
