dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
