God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
