NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
