so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
