this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
