Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
