If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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