just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
