Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
