"it" just moved
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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