So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I checked into jail on foursquare
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
