I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
