Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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