Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
