Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
