They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
