I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
