Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
