he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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