I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
