Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am naked and annoyed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
