You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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