Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
