OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
