I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
