I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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