i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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