there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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