I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
