I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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