Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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