this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
