Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
