no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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