He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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