Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
