I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
