If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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