I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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