Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
