dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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