And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
