If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
