umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
