Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
