and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
