Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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