dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
