Who wears a wallet chain?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
