dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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