I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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