I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
