I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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