he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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