i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize