I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
