I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize