everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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