What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
