I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
