I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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