Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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