Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
