Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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