I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
